


courage is a coward with a death wish

by Woodswolf



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: Angst, Bitterness, Death Wish, Deconstruction, Deities, Existential Angst, Existentialism, Fate & Destiny, Gen, God Complex, Goddesses, Gods, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Mortality, POV Second Person, Self-Sacrifice, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 11:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20290723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woodswolf/pseuds/Woodswolf
Summary: you're tired of getting dragged around by destiny. you're going to meet yours. you're going to save the world or you're going to die trying.(you're going to die trying.)Or: Link prepares to fightDemise, but then decides it's not worth it.





	courage is a coward with a death wish

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this back in May, but never posted it at the time. I'd planned it to be related to two other pieces, all of them deconstructing the Triforce trio and how they might be better expressed through the _inversion_ of their assigned traits: power, weakness; wisdom, ignorance; courage, cowardice. I might still finish those, as I had them mostly planned, but I got distracted with other things and didn't.
> 
> I've been debating on tagging this for suicidal thoughts and/or suicide attempt, but I believe self-sacrifice covers it better. Some warnings for that, either way, but it's nothing too severe.

it persists to this day, but it started in the sky.

because there's one day - one single moment - when you realize what you've been asked to do. because **demise**, you realize, is a **god**.

you've been asked to kill a **god**.

maybe you realized it when **the imprisoned** swallowed **hylia's** soul. maybe you realized it when **his** dark form with burning hair and hateful eyes stepped out of the darkness. maybe you realized it when **he** treated **his** servant like nothing as **he** reclaimed **his** sword.

maybe you realized it when **he** gave you an ultimatum. that either you would fight **him** to the death somewhere beyond the edge of time, or **he** would destroy the world around you, piece by piece.

maybe you realized it when you went back to skyloft to restock and halfway there decided to say _ fuck it. _ because you've been asked to kill a **god** and you're _ terrified, _ more than you have ever been in your life.

because yes, it was scary when zelda was swept below the clouds, and yes, it was scary descending to the surface (the second human in a thousand years; the first willingly). it was scary exploring the strange new world below, and entering the temples, and fighting the monsters.

it was scary, but you did it anyway, because you knew it was possible. because you knew that, somehow, all of this was meant to happen this way, and that you could do it. and if you _ could _ do it then you _ would, _ because no one else was going to.

this, though. you don't know if this is possible (in fact, you tend to think it isn't). because **hylia** had fought **demise** before, hadn't **she**? **she** fought **demise** and **she** barely won, only succeeding in sealing **him** away for a thousand years, and only then by sealing **herself** away with **him**. and even then **he** still fought against and fractured and _destroyed_ **her** holy seal, after enough time.

who are you to fight better than a **goddess** against a **god**?

(who are you to fight a **god** at all?)

and _ that's _ when you realize that it's not worth waiting. _ that's _ when you realize that it's not worth taking the time to prepare. _ that's _ when you realize that, if your destiny is to fight a **god** (if your destiny is to fight a **god** and surely lose), it's not worth wasting time trying to delay the inevitable.

you're tired of getting dragged around by destiny. you're going to meet yours. you're going to save the world or you're going to die trying.

(you're going to die trying.)

you turn your loftwing around and fly back to faron as fast as you can. you drop below the clouds and barely remember to pull out the sailcloth before you land. you rush back inside the temple and through the gate of time.

(as you're storming back out the door you barely see it, just out of the corner of your eye. but groose is there, holding zelda's soulless body to his chest as if to comfort it, or perhaps to comfort himself. you're not jealous, just _ bitter _ \- because you'll be dead long before you would ever be able to do the same.)

you dive to the bottom of the cursed pit where the portal waits. fi emerges from the master sword to tell you that you can't (won't) come back unless you can kill **demise** (unless you can kill a **god**). she asks you if you're ready, if you're prepared. she sounds concerned.

you want to say _ "i'll never be prepared" _ or _ "there's no point preparing for this" _ or _ "i'm going to be dead in two minutes and that's what you want to ask" _ but you can't form words. you nod instead, casting aside the hylian shield from your back. you won't need it where you're going.

not anymore.

you go through the portal and end up in a strange, flat plane with water lapping at your boots. and you see **demise** there, **demise** the **god**. **demise** the **god** turns and praises your valor, your _ courage, _ courage that you do not feel. **demise** the **god** tells you that **he** hates the **gods** (you know) and that your death is inevitable (you know) and that everyone and everything after will be destroyed by **his** wrath (you know) and that **he** will have the triforce for **himself** and rule until the end of time (you know).

you know all of these things and you don't _ care. _ and as the sky turns black and **demise** the **god** stalks toward you, you take the master sword in both hands and charge.

* * *

you don't remember the battle, which you suppose is for the best.

instead you wake up to find the master sword stabbed through the **god's** chest. you pull the sword out and back away as the **god** tries to stand. **demise** the **god** braces **himself** on **his** sword, but it turns to dust beneath **him**. and all this time you're glaring at **him**, waiting for **him** to die, because one of you must and for some reason it isn't you.

you weren't supposed to die today. (but on some level that's what you came here to do, isn't it?)

**demise** the **god** praises your performance. **demise** the **god** predicts **his** return. **demise** the **god** curses you to be reborn again and again for all of time.

**demise** the **god** dissolves into nothing. **demise** the **god** \- or what remains of **him** \- is absorbed into the master sword.

fi confirms for you that you've killed a **god**, but you don't need to hear her. you know.

you feel _ bitter. _

* * *

you wake up in **hylia's** temple, having just killed a **god**. they're all waiting for you. they tell you that you've done well. zelda, bearing **hylia's** soul, tells you that it's over.

you know it's not over, that it's _never_ going to be over. but who are you to tell the **goddess** that **she's** wrong?

(oh, but you have killed a **god**. and you could kill **her**, too, if you really wanted to. **she's** mortal now, and it'd be all too easy to stab **her** in the chest and watch the light fade from **her** eyes. the way you never got to with **demise**, because **he** turned to dust first.)

(**you** could kill **her** and **she** wouldn't even know what was happening _ until _ ** _you've_ ** _ buried the master sword to its hilt in _ ** _her_ ** _ -) _

you stop yourself. this isn't right.

(this isn't you, you want to say. but then you'd be just as wrong as the **goddess** is.)

and that's when it starts. that's when you realize the truth. (that's when you start to believe a lie.)

that's when you realize that you are a mortal playing a game meant for **gods**. and you are not a **god** (you are not a **god** _yet_) but what's to stop you from becoming one?

you can become a **god** and you can put an end to **demise** in whatever form **his** anger takes, each and every time. you can become a **god** playing a game meant for **gods** and you can end this.

and as soon as the thought crosses your mind, you realize, **you** have already become a **god**.

(it's not true, of course. you're not a **god**, and you never will be, because **gods** fear nothing.)

(you have your fears. you're afraid of dying. but **gods** don't fear anything. not even death - not even when it's possible for **them** to die.)

**you** think **you're** a **god**, and the thought persists to this day.

(but you're not a **god**, you know. not really.)

(you're a coward with a death wish. and that will never change.)


End file.
